the island

All,
I never quite know where to start...I can feel my insides changing--maybe from the permanent smog or maybe from the way my mind is being blown. I've been in the norther thai town of Chiang Mai for a few days hanging out with the women of Empower (the thai sex workers organization) and am in *total awe*. Developments a'happenin' but that's for later.

For now I want to talk about "the island" and about beauty. I was not looking for the perfect beach. I don't tan or do beach things. Lounging is not my style. Plus I think it's annoying how western tourists are always looking for that perfect undiscovered beach and then complain about how much they've all been ruined by the other tourists. It's as though they feel that Thailand owes them--and only them--their postcard version of the country. Pah. But well, i'm in a place who's natural beauty is legendary so I figured i should at least have a look! I would do my best to avoid the dumb party scene and find something quiet. I asked around, got some recommendations and then, what the fuck? An actual island paradise presented itself.

Koh Chang (there are two islands with the same name--i went to the one no one has heard of). Koh Chang has no electricity except for a few hours from a generator for the restaurant, otherwise, lit only by the sun or our trusty flashlights, required for walking home along dirt paths after sunset. No tv, air con, internet, phones, cars, roads, loud music or motos. I walked 90 mins inland to get to a store that sold me the pair of flip flops i'm wearing today.

I lived in a bamboo hut (or "bungalow" as they are called) in the trees over looking the blue-green Andaman sea for 2 weeks. Every day i swam, played in the waves at sunset, played beach volley ball (seriously) or did yoga, read in my hammock, ate, walked, wrote and hung out with travellers, many of whom were long termers, spending months or years on Koh Chang and spoke thai.

I awoke to birds in the trees every day. I saw how a spider's eyes create a diamond-like refraction at night. I played with the cook's cute-baby-fat kids at every meal and got to know Ton, Fon and Sunny who run Crocodile Rock Bungalows.

On my first day on Koh Chang i showered (using rain water) in the thatched open-roof shower. The sun streamed down on me, dappling through the trees. I noticed a couple of orchid plants on either side of the shower and started to laugh a little. The beauty was so over the top it seemed almost comical. But the laugh caught in my throat and became a choked sob. Beauty on this scale is a visceral experience. Pictures do not prepare you for it, i can assure you. It encompasses everything--from the phosporescent lights in the sea at night that create comets of sparkles to the sky packed dense with stars all visible because of the total night-time darkness. Believe it or not, on my first night there, i even saw a shooting star.

Seriously, you can't make this shit up. I was gaping up at the sky with this german boy i was minutes away from having a fling with and we both saw it. When we returned to the little open-air restaurant that served our bungalows, one staff person was still around--Sunny. He played us Burmese songs on his acoustic guitar and showed us card tricks--all without a single word of shared language--in the total silence of the island. Crazy.

After i got used to mind-boggling beauty surrounding me, i was lulled me into a sort of complacent stupor. Doing 3 things in a day seemed plenty (wash clothes in bucket, go to yoga, play in waves). Hard life. But i got terribly lonely with only german tourists around! They were my only company till i met Mayyasa.

Phew. thank god for Mayyasa, a british (well, Syrian-East german but born in london) documentarian. She was walking down the beach (the only one on it i might add. of course--you must have guessed that the beaches were huge and empty too right?) one morning and might as well have had "LESBIAN" tattooed on her foreheard. I flagged her down and insisted we have dinner. Until 2 days ago when i met the women of Empower, she was the only person i'd met since i left Hong Kong that i felt i could really be open and relaxed with. Otherwise, western tourists are mostly really fucking boring people (and say racist things All. The. Time.)

After 2 weeks both Mayyasa and i left Koh Chang and we spent 2 days running errands and nearly getting killed by a motorbike in bangkok. Chatting in our little flea pit hotel room in bkk about Koh Chang, she mentioned how the beauty had brought her to tears. We talked about how we'd never expected that beauty could have such a powerfully emotional impact (grief? from a beach? wha?). We made rough plans to meet up again on the road and i'm really hoping the timing works out.

Ok, i'm going to get my hair dyed and finger nails painted by Fon at the Empower drop-in centre. I'm learning so much from them so fast that i drop with exhaustion every night and am writing heaps and heaps. Promise more details later.
I miss you all (tho i do not miss TO).
xo
chanelle
p.s. no pics yet. too much trouble to load! but i will eventually. plus, if you want to see what i described above, then come! Did i mention that my bamboo bungalow cost $6/night? Ton can be reached at tonn1970@yahoo.com tho he only checks email 2/month.